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yvi_writes(I am re-posting my older fics here. This is from 2008.)
Title: Leap of Faith
Author: Yvi
Rating: PG
Friendship: Samantha Carter & Daniel Jackson
Characters: Daniel Jackson, Samantha Carter
Genre: femslash, friendship
Prompt: Daniel and Sam. "Reason is a matter of faith. It is an act of faith to assert that our thoughts have any relation to reality at all." (G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy) in the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
sg1friendathon.
Spoilers: Secrets, In the Line of Duty, Forever in a Day
Summary: Daniel doesn't want to go outside. Actually, doesn't want outside to exist. At least, not like this. Sam is there to help.
Word Count: ~1,200
Author's Notes: Thanks for the beta tofignewton
Leap of Faith
by Yvi
Daniel didn't hear Sam coming in, but after a few minutes, he felt that he wasn't alone anymore. Daniel knew you couldn't really feel this and was well aware that his brain was only picking up on more subtle clues, like smells and very low sounds. He was reading some papers at his desk and didn't want company right now, so he ignored the feeling. People weren't really bothering him with their presence at the moment. They understood he wanted to be left alone. Even Jack was not pushing him to 'do something'. He had tried, but only a few times until he finally got the hint.
After another minute of knowing someone was there, Daniel finally turned around.
"Hey, Daniel," Sam greeted him. She looked at him like they all did at the moment - concerned. He didn't like it.
"Hey there." He smiled at her, knowing that it was weaker than usual. He was growing wary of smiling like this. It wasn't that he didn't want Sam there, but he knew there would be talking. It seemed like so much effort right now, all the talking.
There was a moment's silence. "Was there anything you wanted?" Daniel asked. It came out harsher than he had intended and he wondered whether he should apologize, but Sam's answer came fast.
"Yeah, sort of. Come with me."
"Excuse me?" Daniel started, but Sam was almost out the door by that time. He was forced to just put the paper back on the huge 'to-be-read' pile and follow her out into the corridor. He hurried after her and caught up with her at the door to the lab next to his.
"And where are we going?" Daniel asked, walking next to Sam. She was striding towards the elevator at the end of the floor
"It's a surprise," Sam said. She didn't stop until they had reached the elevator where she turned to look at Daniel.
Daniel didn't feel too comfortable with that answer. "You remember I don't particularly like surprises, don't you?" He frowned, but Sam just shrugged. The elevator arrived, doors opening with the familiar noise. Daniel followed Sam in almost automatically, assuming they were going to her lab. She swiped her access card and pushed the button that would get them to the surface.
"Hey, where are we going?" Daniel protested. He wanted to step out of the elevator, but Sam held him back by his shoulders.
"We're going outside. Have some fun." The elevator doors closed.
Daniel glared at her. This was not how he had imagined spending the day. "I don't feel like having fun."
"I know," Sam answered. "That's why you need to get out."
Daniel sighed. He knew this sort of behavior from someone else. "When did you turn into Jack?" By now, the elevator was almost halfway up to NORAD.
Sam was staring at the elevator panel. "The colonel is right sometimes, you know. I think some time outside the base will do you good."
Daniel opened his mouth, wanting to tell her that he was an adult, that he knew fully well what was good for him and that it was none of her business what he was doing. Then he closed it again. There was no need to snap at her. Sam was his friend, not the enemy. Going around alienating his friends because he was rude to them was not going to make the pain go away. And there had been some of that during the past days.
Daniel took a deep breath. "So, where are we going?"
Sam grinned. "It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you. Besides, I have no idea whether you'll like it. I'm just hoping you will."
***
"Well, that was different."
Sam raised her eyebrows. "Different as in 'interesting' or different as in 'bad'?" she asked.
Sam and Daniel stood in the cool evening air in front of the movie theater they had just left. The sun had just set and the stars were just becoming visible - as always, Daniel's eyes immediately searched for and quickly found the three stars closest to Abydos that were visible from Earth. He realized it had been some time since he had been outside at night on Earth. The stars were beautiful.
"Interesting, certainly," Daniel answered. "How did you like it?"
"It was interesting." Sam smiled. "Wanna walk a bit?" She touched his shoulder to point him in the direction of a small park and Daniel complied.
There was comfortable silence for a few minutes while they just walked through the deserted park around the cinema, both lost in thought. It had been a while since Daniel had last seen a movie in a cinema. Nowadays, watching movies usually involved sitting with beer and all the members of SG1 in one room. These evenings were filled with laughter and mindless action movies or showing sci-fi classics to Teal'c.
"Interesting choice of movie," Daniel commented after a while.
"Why?"
"It's very..." Daniel searched for a fitting word. "...philosophical."
Sam laughed. "You realize The Matrix is marketed as an action movie, don't you?" She paused for a moment. "I see what you mean, though."
They walked quietly for a few more steps. Daniel felt no pressure from her to talk, even though he knew she would appreciate if he talked about... what had happened. Daniel had seldom felt so close to Sam as now. He felt like he could share now, that the pressure was lifted just by the change in scenery.
"Sometimes...," Daniel started, but didn't continue. He felt lost for words, as was often the case when the topic were his own memories or feelings.
Sam stopped and faced Daniel. And Daniel knew that he could trust her. That somehow she knew what it was like. After what had happened with Jolinar, Sam also had memories of events that had never happened to her.
"Sometimes I wonder whether I ever woke up. Whether this is real," he whispered.
Sam nodded. "And you don't want it to be real," she stated so gently he could barely hear it.
"No, I don't. I just want to wake up." At nights, he sometimes woke up, convinced that now he was really awake and it had all been part of a dream, another fantasy Sha're had sent him.
"At some point, we have to accept that what we are experiencing is real. That what we can measure and see is as close to what is really there as we can experience through our limited senses. It's a leap of faith we have to take," Sam said softly.
Daniel let out a chuckle despite the seriousness of the situation. "Spoken like a true scientist."
Sam smiled in reply. "I suppose so, yes. But also... Fantasies are good and healthy. They help us cope. But we can't allow ourselves to get lost in them. We can't live in them."
Daniel nodded. "We have to live in the real world."
She nodded and there was no need for her to say anything else. Daniel understood. And he also didn't need to say anything else; when he hugged her, only for a few seconds, he also knew she understood. He needed to go on living. And she would be there for him, along with Jack and Teal'c. They would be there in the real world, like they had been there for him during the last years.
END
Title: Leap of Faith
Author: Yvi
Rating: PG
Friendship: Samantha Carter & Daniel Jackson
Characters: Daniel Jackson, Samantha Carter
Genre: femslash, friendship
Prompt: Daniel and Sam. "Reason is a matter of faith. It is an act of faith to assert that our thoughts have any relation to reality at all." (G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy) in the
sg1friendathon.Spoilers: Secrets, In the Line of Duty, Forever in a Day
Summary: Daniel doesn't want to go outside. Actually, doesn't want outside to exist. At least, not like this. Sam is there to help.
Word Count: ~1,200
Author's Notes: Thanks for the beta to
fignewtonby Yvi
Daniel didn't hear Sam coming in, but after a few minutes, he felt that he wasn't alone anymore. Daniel knew you couldn't really feel this and was well aware that his brain was only picking up on more subtle clues, like smells and very low sounds. He was reading some papers at his desk and didn't want company right now, so he ignored the feeling. People weren't really bothering him with their presence at the moment. They understood he wanted to be left alone. Even Jack was not pushing him to 'do something'. He had tried, but only a few times until he finally got the hint.
After another minute of knowing someone was there, Daniel finally turned around.
"Hey, Daniel," Sam greeted him. She looked at him like they all did at the moment - concerned. He didn't like it.
"Hey there." He smiled at her, knowing that it was weaker than usual. He was growing wary of smiling like this. It wasn't that he didn't want Sam there, but he knew there would be talking. It seemed like so much effort right now, all the talking.
There was a moment's silence. "Was there anything you wanted?" Daniel asked. It came out harsher than he had intended and he wondered whether he should apologize, but Sam's answer came fast.
"Yeah, sort of. Come with me."
"Excuse me?" Daniel started, but Sam was almost out the door by that time. He was forced to just put the paper back on the huge 'to-be-read' pile and follow her out into the corridor. He hurried after her and caught up with her at the door to the lab next to his.
"And where are we going?" Daniel asked, walking next to Sam. She was striding towards the elevator at the end of the floor
"It's a surprise," Sam said. She didn't stop until they had reached the elevator where she turned to look at Daniel.
Daniel didn't feel too comfortable with that answer. "You remember I don't particularly like surprises, don't you?" He frowned, but Sam just shrugged. The elevator arrived, doors opening with the familiar noise. Daniel followed Sam in almost automatically, assuming they were going to her lab. She swiped her access card and pushed the button that would get them to the surface.
"Hey, where are we going?" Daniel protested. He wanted to step out of the elevator, but Sam held him back by his shoulders.
"We're going outside. Have some fun." The elevator doors closed.
Daniel glared at her. This was not how he had imagined spending the day. "I don't feel like having fun."
"I know," Sam answered. "That's why you need to get out."
Daniel sighed. He knew this sort of behavior from someone else. "When did you turn into Jack?" By now, the elevator was almost halfway up to NORAD.
Sam was staring at the elevator panel. "The colonel is right sometimes, you know. I think some time outside the base will do you good."
Daniel opened his mouth, wanting to tell her that he was an adult, that he knew fully well what was good for him and that it was none of her business what he was doing. Then he closed it again. There was no need to snap at her. Sam was his friend, not the enemy. Going around alienating his friends because he was rude to them was not going to make the pain go away. And there had been some of that during the past days.
Daniel took a deep breath. "So, where are we going?"
Sam grinned. "It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you. Besides, I have no idea whether you'll like it. I'm just hoping you will."
***
"Well, that was different."
Sam raised her eyebrows. "Different as in 'interesting' or different as in 'bad'?" she asked.
Sam and Daniel stood in the cool evening air in front of the movie theater they had just left. The sun had just set and the stars were just becoming visible - as always, Daniel's eyes immediately searched for and quickly found the three stars closest to Abydos that were visible from Earth. He realized it had been some time since he had been outside at night on Earth. The stars were beautiful.
"Interesting, certainly," Daniel answered. "How did you like it?"
"It was interesting." Sam smiled. "Wanna walk a bit?" She touched his shoulder to point him in the direction of a small park and Daniel complied.
There was comfortable silence for a few minutes while they just walked through the deserted park around the cinema, both lost in thought. It had been a while since Daniel had last seen a movie in a cinema. Nowadays, watching movies usually involved sitting with beer and all the members of SG1 in one room. These evenings were filled with laughter and mindless action movies or showing sci-fi classics to Teal'c.
"Interesting choice of movie," Daniel commented after a while.
"Why?"
"It's very..." Daniel searched for a fitting word. "...philosophical."
Sam laughed. "You realize The Matrix is marketed as an action movie, don't you?" She paused for a moment. "I see what you mean, though."
They walked quietly for a few more steps. Daniel felt no pressure from her to talk, even though he knew she would appreciate if he talked about... what had happened. Daniel had seldom felt so close to Sam as now. He felt like he could share now, that the pressure was lifted just by the change in scenery.
"Sometimes...," Daniel started, but didn't continue. He felt lost for words, as was often the case when the topic were his own memories or feelings.
Sam stopped and faced Daniel. And Daniel knew that he could trust her. That somehow she knew what it was like. After what had happened with Jolinar, Sam also had memories of events that had never happened to her.
"Sometimes I wonder whether I ever woke up. Whether this is real," he whispered.
Sam nodded. "And you don't want it to be real," she stated so gently he could barely hear it.
"No, I don't. I just want to wake up." At nights, he sometimes woke up, convinced that now he was really awake and it had all been part of a dream, another fantasy Sha're had sent him.
"At some point, we have to accept that what we are experiencing is real. That what we can measure and see is as close to what is really there as we can experience through our limited senses. It's a leap of faith we have to take," Sam said softly.
Daniel let out a chuckle despite the seriousness of the situation. "Spoken like a true scientist."
Sam smiled in reply. "I suppose so, yes. But also... Fantasies are good and healthy. They help us cope. But we can't allow ourselves to get lost in them. We can't live in them."
Daniel nodded. "We have to live in the real world."
She nodded and there was no need for her to say anything else. Daniel understood. And he also didn't need to say anything else; when he hugged her, only for a few seconds, he also knew she understood. He needed to go on living. And she would be there for him, along with Jack and Teal'c. They would be there in the real world, like they had been there for him during the last years.